Disappointed, Frustrated, and Discouraged

It's been awhile.

I haven't posted anything because I haven't had anything positive to say in quite some time. I STILL have not passed a goal test. I am so close I can taste it. I missed a 150 wpm jury charge by 2 and a 140 congressional by 3. It seems like every single speed test I take is right there, but not quite. I guess being that close should make me happy, but it doesn't. It makes me so disappointed. I'm trying INSANELY hard and I'm still not there yet. Even if I finally do progress, I know it'll only get harder the faster the dictation gets. It is so discouraging. I feel disappointed, frustrated, and discouraged, every second of every day. Is this normal? Do all court reporting students go through this? It's overwhelming.

While I'm transcribing my tests, I feel like I'm on the verge, but I don't know if it's the verge of a breakthrough or a breakdown. If I don't see some payoff for all my hard work soon, I seriously might lose it. I just can't take it anymore. I might throw my machine out the window.

Spring break starts today and I'm hoping the time off will do me some good. Between school and my two jobs, I've been busy every single day for almost 3 months. I haven't had one single day off! I could really use a few days to decompress. I need to teach myself to stop putting so much pressure on myself and stop judging my worth by the amount of speed tests that I pass (which of course is none right now). Any ideas on how I can do that?