Gotta Power Through

It's almost Christmas and the semester is almost over. It is getting harder and harder to get myself up, dressed, and fight traffic to make it to school. I've been really good. I have hardly missed any days, and when I did, I had excellent reasons, but now I feel like I've earned a day or two of slacking. Didn't I? ugh.... No! I'm so close.

I have a week and a half left and I am trying my hardest to finish strong and pass one more test before the end of the semester. I have come very close on some tests, missing only by punctuation and word endings. I CAN do this. I CAN.

It can be very frustrating watching friends and classmates skip class, show up late, leave early, and then pass a test, while I'm still sitting here working my ass off and making very little progress. I know I'm not suppose to compare myself to others but, how can I not? What is wrong with me? Everyday I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Everyday I have moments of clairvoyance and then they pass. Does that happen to anyone else?

Okay enough whining, Helen. Get your ass in gear and do it. Just do it. I have an hour before my next goal test and I'm gonna practice the whole time. Wish me luck.

Hello Again

Hello All!

I'm back. It's been awhile, I know. I'll catch you up. I transferred schools this semester. I am currently working on my 180s and 200s. The finish line is in sight. My decision to transfer was not an easy one. My old school changed their lab schedule and they started to close earlier, cutting down my practice time. The final straw was when they refused to grade a test that I swear I had passed because I clocked it in ONE minute late, and the reason for that is because the two clocks they have in the lab were over four minutes apart. That was sort of it for me. Maybe that's a petty reason, but there you have it.

Anyhoo, I'm now at Downey Adult School. I've been excelling. Their curriculum is set up a little differently. They do speeds every 20 words per minute, so it is a bit of a jump to the next level, but it also means less tests to pass. I have passed my 180 jury charge and come very close to a few4-voice tests but not quite. I've been doing my best to remain positive and motivated, so far so good. The school has live dictation five days a week, which is exactly what I need. The drive all the way there sucks, but I've learned to accept it, as a necessary evil. I hardly even notice it anymore.

I'll write more later but I have to go now.

It's a Miracle!!

I am now finished with 140 words per minute, completely and forever. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord!!

I even passed my 150 wpm jury charge, so maybe, just maybe, I'm on a roll and finally improving. The other explanation is that the teacher for summer school reads slower than my other teacher, which is probably the more likely excuse, but a girl can dream can't she?

Staying positive

I've been pretty negative and discouraged recently. It's really bringing me down. I know I shouldn't be so negative, but it's so easy to get overwhelmed and disappointed when a pass just doesn't happen. My husband is so tired of me moping around all the time. So, I decorated Sexy Lexi (my steno machine) with a few important phrases.

The first is: "You CAN, and you WILL." I have been trying to say this over and over again before a test. I don't quite believe it yet, but it helps to see it in print, they seem just a little more believable.

The second phrase is because of my husband. He's a big fan of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books and in those books, the first rule is: Don't panic. So, I wrote that on my machine too.

I have a tendency to panic over everything. I panic when I'm doing poorly on a test because I feel like an idiot. I panic then I'm doing well on a test and I'm excited, and then that makes me blow it. I panic after I've blown the test because I know I've wasted a perfectly good test. I panic when I'm correcting a test because I see mistakes I wish I hadn't made. I panic when I drive home from school because I feel discouraged at my lack of progress and the traffic stresses me out. I panic when I think about how much more work I still have to do and how long it will take me to do it. Basically, I'm a panicker. (is that word?) It's awful. I always fall to pieces.

So, hopefully looking at the words every time I practice or take a test, will help me feel less worried and more positive. I took a picture of the finished product so you can see what I'm talking about.

How do other people stay positive when there are so many things to be disappointed about?

Slop Vs. Drop

Should I slop, or should I drop? That is a question that seems to face many students, including myself. I used to be a slop girl. I figured if I could get a stroke down, any stroke down, then I could probably figure it out or guess what it was supposed to be later, and I have to tell you that seemed to work pretty well until, all of a sudden, it didn't.

I passed through my 80s, my 90s, my 100s and even all the way through my 130s with messy notes. Then, with 140 as my goal, I could no longer read anything. The small mistakes I was making at 90 wpm turned into huge mistakes when I got to 140. Also, I was always running out of time when I was transcribing my tests. I spent so long guessing what I meant to write that I couldn't get through the whole test and I would turn it in without even proofing it. Shame on me, tsk, tsk, tsk.

I have now really been trying to force myself to drop before I slop. It kills me every time I drop, because I never did that before. But, as I am now learning, dropping is better because it does not reinforce bad behavior. Every time I accepted a sloppy outline and messy transcript, I taught myself, that it was okay to do that. It's not. The bad outlines have now become ingrained in my head and I have to work twice as hard to correct them. It's brutal. I've been sitting in trail class, focusing on correcting bad habits that I've had since theory.

Although it's frustrating and exhausting, it's starting to help. My trail speed notes are beautiful. (My goal speed is full of holes where I dropped words, but what can you do?) The time I spend transcribing has reduced and I've even had time to print my work and proof it on paper rather than a computer screen before I turn it in. I'm optimistic about a big breakthrough happening soon. I'll keep you posted.

We Could All Use a Break

Oh wow! I wish every week could be spring break. Boy, did I need some time off. I spent the week doing all the errands I had been putting off since the beginning of the semester. Poor Wally (my car) had been neglected and abused. The long trip to school everyday was taking a toll on him and me as well. I gave him an oil change, a tire rotation, a car wash, and some other little things. I did the laundry that had been piling up, cleaned my apartment, went grocery shopping, and I even managed to have some fun as well. Although, I'm not completely caught up, I'm feeling a lot less overwhelmed.

Class has been back in session for a week now and I don't have any passed tests to report, but I am trying to change my perspective. I hate feeling so discouraged all the time. I am trying to let things go. If it's over, I have to let it go. I can only move forward so I shouldn't dwell on the past. I need to accentuate the positive and stop focusing on the negative. (is that song or something?)

I got 95% on my 150 4-voice test yesterday. Usually, that would frustrate me, since it was so close and still not a pass but my new focus is accuracy. I read the article "The Plateau" and I know the biggest problem with my writing is my accuracy. I have been trying to teach myself to drop if I can not stroke the word properly. The article talks about how sloppy outlines and misstrokes that don't get corrected will reinforce incorrect poor writing and those bad habits will manifest over time and turn into unreadable disasters. I think that was what was happening to me. That 95% test was way more accurate than previous tests and I didn't have to guess at my notes nearly as much as usually do. Hopefully, this new focus will pay off in the long run. I'll let you know.

Disappointed, Frustrated, and Discouraged

It's been awhile.

I haven't posted anything because I haven't had anything positive to say in quite some time. I STILL have not passed a goal test. I am so close I can taste it. I missed a 150 wpm jury charge by 2 and a 140 congressional by 3. It seems like every single speed test I take is right there, but not quite. I guess being that close should make me happy, but it doesn't. It makes me so disappointed. I'm trying INSANELY hard and I'm still not there yet. Even if I finally do progress, I know it'll only get harder the faster the dictation gets. It is so discouraging. I feel disappointed, frustrated, and discouraged, every second of every day. Is this normal? Do all court reporting students go through this? It's overwhelming.

While I'm transcribing my tests, I feel like I'm on the verge, but I don't know if it's the verge of a breakthrough or a breakdown. If I don't see some payoff for all my hard work soon, I seriously might lose it. I just can't take it anymore. I might throw my machine out the window.

Spring break starts today and I'm hoping the time off will do me some good. Between school and my two jobs, I've been busy every single day for almost 3 months. I haven't had one single day off! I could really use a few days to decompress. I need to teach myself to stop putting so much pressure on myself and stop judging my worth by the amount of speed tests that I pass (which of course is none right now). Any ideas on how I can do that?